The State of Dis-Union Address.

The Presidential Shrub will present his 5th State of the Union Address in the next few days and here is what you will hear:

1) There are problems in the world. A world that is complex. And your government is dealing with those problems with resolve. (he won't mention that alot of those problems he has been causing with his rampant ideology and lack of leadership).

2) Pretty soon, if Bush and his people are not in charge, a terrorist is going to blow you up and all the nations puppies and kittens while soiling the American flag. (well maybe not that exaclty, but something in that "be afraid, be very afraid" tone).

3) There is some scandal in the white house, um, I mean, in washington D.C.  And he and his team are going to get to the bottom of it and scare the shit out of anyone who might turn on them, I mean, they will fix the corruption.  "We're cleaning up!"

4) Iran and it's people hate Israel and therefore Jesus and therefore you and your bible so we must at some point soon bomb the living hell out of them. (hell, maybe they will say Osama is now friends with them).

5) The economy is looking good. (too many lies in that one, but regular god-fearing folk don't do too good at math, ya heard?).

6) That Benjamin Franklin, the guy who said " They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety," was a total KOOK! I mean really, is that a terrorist talking or am I a dumb ass?  We need to watch everything and be able to examine everything about you so you can be safe.  Now be a patriot and bend over.

7) We are doing good work in taking care of the aftermath of Katrina. (and then a bolt of lightening will come through the roof and kill him and send cheney into cardiac arrest and we will see if Frist is actually a real doctor).